Been some time since I felt the need to write things down. Carol's done in my life. Whatever my feelings were for her, it abundantly clear it's not reciprocal. I have proof she been screwing around with Cunt, I mean Kent, for God knows how long. Now I've been impulsive enough, most would say stupid, to get involved with my Commanding Officer. Of course it's more complicated than that. She had to been in her 20's, mid at least. She's at once vulnerable and tough. There are times I want to hold her until it all passes by, and others where I want nothing more than to drop kick across the tarmac like a tempestuous recruit.
I find the thing that pisses me off the most if her neediness sometimes. I get the whole lack of boobs thing, personally I wanted to tell her to keep them, but it's her choice, and I've learned over the years, the ass is much more in reach, hers is awesome, and her flaring hips stir things in my loins I thought I was past. Is this bump in the road, just that, a bump, or indicative of deeper issues. I just don't know anymore. Next thing is getting a response from the lawyers back in Syracuse, NY, Earth.
Against and maybe in spite of my advice, Yuka brought Miss Larson aboard. Adding insult to injury, the assassin is now my XO. Joy! I expected to be more adversarial towards her, but after reviewing her military jacket as well as anything else I could find, sparse on that front, I am more inclined to give the woman a second chance. Won't turn my back on her for a while though. The thought of her on what should be a vacation for Yuka and I is unfathomable. I get why they did it, I just don't agree with the reasoning. Plus having what amounts to an armed chaperone is sort of a buzzkill.
He used the VX system as he didn't want Yuka or Emily to hear him saying things aloud. "What the fuck just happened?! I get off duty, to come home to my wife, fiancee, whatever the hell we are. Right into a damned minefield!"
He walked around, and cleaned out his pipe. He was calmer, but far from calm. "Yuka comes right out and says, here's my old lover. Do you mind if she comes into our lives and beds? Did I over-react? I really don't think so. Yuka has this all tied into a nice neat box. If I don't let her be with Emily physically, I am somehow the bad guy as I HATE open relationships. There is a reason it's called a third wheel. Someone is always neglected in my experience. If I do let her, I have to share. Do I love her enough?" He thought about it, "yes, though I wonder how she'd react if she had to share me with another woman."
"Then she up and has a nervous breakdown. While not a conscious effort, it still sucks. Now if I leave I'm the cad in the relationship as she's that unstable. We sorted it out before we began the relationship. We sorted it out at the cabin, or so I thought. It's clear to me she can't love just me. Maybe what it boils down to is something else. Does she love me enough to respect my wishes? So far that answer is no if I want to be honest with myself."
But I don't get to have bad feelings in this relationship without her throwing a tizzy. It's all predicated on what she wants to do and her needs, regardless of how I feel. She's made that abundantly clear. Examining all sides though, I wonder about things she said. Have I forced her to love me? Forced the issue of marriage and kids down her throat? How many times did I tell her that it wasn't something we had to decide right now. I have Ayasha. Glad she's not here though, I'd probably have to restrain her from smacking Yuka. "
Aidan moved to an overstuffed loveseat he had replicated. The old style leather noisly succumbed to his weight, and Myron jumped up the instant Aidan was in place and lay next to him. The Marine stroked the semi-soft fur absentmindedly. "I've seen her mental scars, at least the ones she is willing to share with me. I think she forgets we all have scars. I've led countless men and women into battle, many did not return. People I commanded and many I cared about, that I watched or held while they died."
He hated himself instantly for thinking of it, but it might need to be addressed. "Was Yuka really fit for the command of a starship?" His needs aside, there were hundreds of others that were under their collective command, not to mention the billions of people that were counting on the two of them to pull out miracle after miracle. The ship had to come first. No matter how much he loved her, that was their first duty.