Been some time since I felt the need to write things down. Carol's done in my life. Whatever my feelings were for her, it abundantly clear it's not reciprocal. I have proof she been screwing around with Cunt, I mean Kent, for God knows how long. Now I've been impulsive enough, most would say stupid, to get involved with my Commanding Officer. Of course it's more complicated than that. She had to been in her 20's, mid at least. She's at once vulnerable and tough. There are times I want to hold her until it all passes by, and others where I want nothing more than to drop kick across the tarmac like a tempestuous recruit.
I find the thing that pisses me off the most if her neediness sometimes. I get the whole lack of boobs thing, personally I wanted to tell her to keep them, but it's her choice, and I've learned over the years, the ass is much more in reach, hers is awesome, and her flaring hips stir things in my loins I thought I was past. Is this bump in the road, just that, a bump, or indicative of deeper issues. I just don't know anymore. Next thing is getting a response from the lawyers back in Syracuse, NY, Earth.
Against and maybe in spite of my advice, Yuka brought Miss Larson aboard. Adding insult to injury, the assassin is now my XO. Joy! I expected to be more adversarial towards her, but after reviewing her military jacket as well as anything else I could find, sparse on that front, I am more inclined to give the woman a second chance. Won't turn my back on her for a while though. The thought of her on what should be a vacation for Yuka and I is unfathomable. I get why they did it, I just don't agree with the reasoning. Plus having what amounts to an armed chaperone is sort of a buzzkill.
He used the VX system as he didn't want Yuka or Emily to hear him saying things aloud. "What the fuck just happened?! I get off duty, to come home to my wife, fiancee, whatever the hell we are. Right into a damned minefield!"
He walked around, and cleaned out his pipe. He was calmer, but far from calm. "Yuka comes right out and says, here's my old lover. Do you mind if she comes into our lives and beds? Did I over-react? I really don't think so. Yuka has this all tied into a nice neat box. If I don't let her be with Emily physically, I am somehow the bad guy as I HATE open relationships. There is a reason it's called a third wheel. Someone is always neglected in my experience. If I do let her, I have to share. Do I love her enough?" He thought about it, "yes, though I wonder how she'd react if she had to share me with another woman."
"Then she up and has a nervous breakdown. While not a conscious effort, it still sucks. Now if I leave I'm the cad in the relationship as she's that unstable. We sorted it out before we began the relationship. We sorted it out at the cabin, or so I thought. It's clear to me she can't love just me. Maybe what it boils down to is something else. Does she love me enough to respect my wishes? So far that answer is no if I want to be honest with myself."
But I don't get to have bad feelings in this relationship without her throwing a tizzy. It's all predicated on what she wants to do and her needs, regardless of how I feel. She's made that abundantly clear. Examining all sides though, I wonder about things she said. Have I forced her to love me? Forced the issue of marriage and kids down her throat? How many times did I tell her that it wasn't something we had to decide right now. I have Ayasha. Glad she's not here though, I'd probably have to restrain her from smacking Yuka. "
Aidan moved to an overstuffed loveseat he had replicated. The old style leather noisly succumbed to his weight, and Myron jumped up the instant Aidan was in place and lay next to him. The Marine stroked the semi-soft fur absentmindedly. "I've seen her mental scars, at least the ones she is willing to share with me. I think she forgets we all have scars. I've led countless men and women into battle, many did not return. People I commanded and many I cared about, that I watched or held while they died."
He hated himself instantly for thinking of it, but it might need to be addressed. "Was Yuka really fit for the command of a starship?" His needs aside, there were hundreds of others that were under their collective command, not to mention the billions of people that were counting on the two of them to pull out miracle after miracle. The ship had to come first. No matter how much he loved her, that was their first duty.
Aidan had gone out on the balcony. The stars were out. There was more light pollution than Aidan liked. Sometimes it was nice to get out and gather thoughts at the end of day. It was likely he was going to be a father again....perhaps twice over. He was okay with that. Something his mother had told him decades ago. "The days are long, but the years are short." It had taken him time, pun intended, to realize that himself. Missing too many birthday parties, and events with his daughter Ayasha, in her ten years, he made up as much as he could before the breakup of his marriage.
He hadn't seen her in around a month since the deployment of the Lavie to outer regions of the Gal Fed border. He also knew Ayasha would be buried in studies and her academy work. Proud as hell and scared too. Like any other parent, Aidan wanted more for her than he had. Putting her in the Medical service was safer, but by now means free from conflict. He set up his VX and linked it to the padd, the act of putting his thoughts into physical, or in this case, digital form, seemed to help him relax and organize at the same time.
Start log "Dad. It's something I am at once used to and now will be used again. Honestly I am ecstatic about it. Trying to get Yuka pregnant is a chore I will gladly live with, though I can sense the baby fever in her. Don't need to be a telepath for that. It should only be a matter of time with her."
"Emily is another story. I have a harder time getting a read on her. She was friendly from the start and then after her recent trouble, had what I can only assume to be a change of heart. I was happy to have her as a friend, never thought I'd get the benefits, and I was okay with that, great head on her shoulder. Then we had our moment. I typically like my women a bit...curvier. Yuka's hips are inspiring, but I was really unprepared for how hot Emily's athletic build was. Could it just be the change in women that excited me? Hard not to be excited when someone you care about and are attracted to says 'do me'. But does she want the whole relationship?
If that weren't enough, there is this whole gem based mass driver crap on this god-forsaken planet. Spiders the size of small air cars? More dictators? Where does it stop. If I die in this one, Em and Yuka would have access to my sperm in stasis, they would be able to have children without me, which would suck on my end. I didn't have a baby fever with Ayasha, but on look at her face, I was a goner. I expect it to be the same with Em and Yuka. A little for me as well. Love me a fertile round hottie. Carol had her moments there. I can only hope it isn't all morning sickness and cravings. I'm rambling. End log.